Besides, what could brighten your day more than a post from your friends at I Fart On?
OK, if you don't fart in front of anyone else, everyone knows someone who does! It's the universal language between all ages and cultures. Do you fart on the first date? Do you fart in bed? Do you fart in crowds, in line, or on elevators? Declare it with style and have fun with your gift.
I Fart On! The World's Best Brand of Fart Clothing and Accessories. Don't settle for a cheap fart shirt, when you can have the brand chosen by the most talented farters in the world - I Fart On! Click here for some stories of what happens when you wear an I Fart On shirt out in public!
If you are looking for great fart stories, photos, videos, look no further, you've found it! There are many ways to interact and stay connected. It is said that laughter is the best medicine and is more effective than doing cardio excercise, so connect with us and laugh all the time and live healthier!
We all do! Send us yours and we will keep the best archive of awesome farts stories at www.ifarton.com. Click the link for great reads!
What could be better than Fart Related Photos? How about special Instagram discounts for I Fart On fans... Follow us to laughs and savings.
Really, networking with people through I Fart On? Yes, establish a common ground and let the networking begin! Over 1,625 connections to people who share laughter.
Yes, Docter Eric Longphartz and his fart patients have their own web show. Check it out and then submit a question for a future episode! Additional farting videos, interviews and animated fart cartoons reside there.
Want the best fart stuff emailed to you plus Subscriber Discounts at our store? Sign up for our "regular" e-newsletter, The Weekly Emission, and get your dose of laughter in your inbox.
Ultimately, farts are funny and can bring laughter and stories to any social situation. Being open about it not only makes you interesting, it lightens the mood. Farters can wear an I Fart On shirt and make memorable moments and be accepted. For example, if you fart loud in the movie theater you will get a great deal of scorn and a spattering of laughter. However, if you wear an I Fart in Movie Theaters t-shirt and then fart during the movie, when you fart, if someone gives you a dirty look you just point to your shirt and they will smile and give you the thumbs up, like a Mentos commercial.
I Fart On promises to provided the highest quality, classy fart clothing and products. In addition, we want to be interactive with our customers and fans and allow them to be a part of our website and join the fun. Our website is for all farters and fans of farting. If you have a suggestion for our site, please send us a message.
The focus of our brand is not just about the fart, but rather where we fart and the reactions that follow. It all started with I fart on airplanes, and then we realized, there are countless places we fart on, in or at. Tell us where you fart and we will add it to our inventory of shirts.
Lastly, we are literally having a blast creating this business. Sadly, there is a lack of quality fart items to purchase. After doing endless web searches on the topic, we realized there was an opportunity to seize the market. After all, the ifart app for the iphone was the number one app for several years, selling millions of copies. There is a market for farters and it is huge. When you can't think of the perfect gift to get someone, an I Fart On shirt will not only bring smiles by everyone, but will be remembered forever. How many gifts can you say that for? Just like you never forget a good fart story, you won't forget a good I Fart On gift.
So join us on this mission to make the world a happier place through humor, and leave your legacy on our site. Don't be afraid, we won't use your full name unless you explicitly tell us to, so send us your fart stories, fart jokes, I Fart On Logo Photos, and best of all, your best farting questions for our dear Docter Longphartz. We here at I Fart On love what we are doing here and will continue to grow and honor one of the purest forms of humor - the fart, air biscuit, gasser, toot, butt bark, flatulence, wind breaker, hot wind, laughing ass, the horn section, the butt trumpet, talking pants, the wind beneath my cheeks, and Victoria's Secret's worst nightmare.
Yeah, we know, girls fart too. And when they do, it is usually worse than a guy's, because they tend to hold them in so long that the stink has time to fully mature, while guys push like their lives depended on it at the first notion they may have a fart on deck. So we decided to make things easier for the girls out there... just wear a "Girls Fart Too" t-shirt, and not only will your farts be more accepted, they will be expected. So ladies no longer have to hold it in too long, let em rip and enjoy the spoils of good farting!
These truly are words to live by! But what does it really mean? Does it mean to be dramatic everytime you fart and put on a broadway show? Well, if that's your thing, then yes. But what it really means is to give your farts all you can, push as hard as your sphincter will allow and own those farts 100 percent no matter where you release them. Everyone respects a good fart if you do it with passion. By farting passionately, you remove any uncomfortable uncertainty... everyone knows who did it, eye contact after the fart is just fine and nobody has to pretend it didn't happen. So don't let yourself down, fart with passion each and every time.
Why is it when we travel our farts typically significantly decrease or increase? For example, why do we fart constantly at work and home and dry up after flying to a new place? There is actually a logical explanation... We tend to unwittingly mark our territory with our farts, much like a dog taking a whiz. At home and work our farts make sure we have claimed that area for ourselves. In a strange land our farts tense up and dont know what to do and go silent. However, if you love where you have traveled to, your farts will surge with shock and awe in an effort to dominate and claim the new place. So in summation, your frequency of farting is a leading indicator of just how much you like where you have traveled.
We have said it before and we will say it again, great farts are always remembered. As the writer of this blog, I have played hundreds of baseball games, and don't remember most of them, but I sure remember the time I stopped a game because the fart I created was so loud it warranted attention from everyone. The pitcher couldn't pitch, the batter had to step out and the umps even stepped around laughing. I couldn't scream as loud as the fart was.
Anyway, same thing with fishing, you remember the big fish, but not all the little ones you do. Cherish your big farts. If you can't fart while you fish, wear a Fishing and Farting t-shirt and make memories that way. It's great when others notice the shirt, do a double take and then smile and tell a friend.
When you have a fart, it is a shame not to give it everything that you have. Once you let it quietly go, you can't have it back and the fart is forever lost. So give it your all make a memory whenever you can. You will never remember an insignificant fart, but the great ones are never forgotten. Think of the stories you will have for social gatherings for decades. You can fart with pride and distinction with this new shirt from I Fart On.
In honor of Stinko De Mayo this year, I Fart On designed the Salsa Makes Me Fart: Chunky Style t-shirt. The shirt works year round for attention and laughs. Next we debuted the Choose Farts t-shirt. George Michael made the Choose Life shirt famous in the Wake Me Up Before You Go Go video in the 80s, and I Fart On has revolutionized the shirt. People are typically either For Farts or Against Farts, there is not much grey area there. Proudly wear this fart to let people know where you stand on this topic.
I Fart On is proud to present our classiest shirt yet: I'm a Classy Kind of Gassy. While trying to explain to someone that we fart with class, well as much class as a fart can have. That was the inspiration behind this shirt. What is a classy fart anyway? Well, its all in the presentation. If you setup the fart correctly, keep it loud and dry, you may be able to pull it off in many more situations than the average person. That makes you a classy farter. Check it out in our store.
Have some gift stores, clothing stores, gas stations near you? Feel like surfing the web for retail stores? I Fart On is making a push to get into as many retail stores as possible in 2014. I Fart On will pay referral fees for suggesting a local store that we don't know about, and a bigger referral fee for making an introduction to the retailer. Referral fees will be paid on any referral that results in a sale of 25 shirts or more. If you are interested in joining our referral program, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. What could be better than making extra cash by talking about farts? Better yet, not even talking at all, just feeding us cold leads on places you think fart shirts might be a good fit.
Let's face it, farts are funny. Get over yourself if you disagree, because you are only diminishing the quality of your life by not laughing as much as you can. Since laughter is one of the best moments in life, and farts make you laugh, they should be celebrated, as we do at I Fart On. If you would like to be a model, please contact us and we will evaluate the potential.
I Fart On, LLC, is a company with locations in Upstate NY and Central Florida. Recently the CEO from Florida joined the CFO in Upstate NY for a Board of Directors meeting to help shapre the short term future of the company as well as take the opportunity to get some I Fart On photo opps. New items to look for soon include underwear, baby clothes (onesies), and sweat shirts. Below are some photos from the meeting... more to come.
Above: The CFO at the Upstate NY I Fart On offices.
Above: The CEO at the I Fart On NY Offices
I Fart On recently had a photo shoot with several new shirt designs, including these taken with the Designated Farter - I Fart Responsibly t-shirt. Having little to do with sports, we loosely tied it to the Designated Hitter in baseball for a bunch of shots. I Fart On is always looking for new models, from ANYWHERE in the World. Just send us an email if interested email@example.com
The average car absorbs 1,500 farts per year. How do we arrive at that number? Well, with simple math, the average car is farted in 4 times a day. Here is why.... For one, its the average, so for every person that doesn't fart in their car, someone is farting eight times per day. One person who farts 40 times a day in their car takes care of 10 who don't. Second, people drive to food and food makes you fart. So driving after breakfast - farting, driving after lunch - more farting, driving to dinner - big farting. Also, for women (and for lame men) who claim they don't fart and hold it in, when they are alone in their car, they fart it up in there. Plus, when there is a car full, somone is working extra hard to fart in the car to smoke out the others. Bottom line, cars get farted in A LOT! So 1,500 is conservative, but realistic for the average. The CFO of I Fart On claims to fart in his car and average of 5,000 times per year. The proof is in the stink of his car.
Are you labled as the "farter" in your circle? Are you ridiculed for being able to fart better than everyone else? Stick up for yourself and take a stand agains fart discrimination with the I Am Pro Farts t-shirt from I Fart On. This shirt was inspired by a mall security guard who treated I Fart On with disdain simply because it was fart related. The guard found one of our business cards at the mall and called our offices to leave a nasty voicemail after hours. She stated: "We don't want your I Fart On stuff in our mall." As if I can control is someone drops a card there, but that is besides the point. If it was a plumbing card would they have had the same reaction? Doubtful. She was anti-farter, and that is just wrong. We should not be judged by the content of our colon's, but rather our character, which is usually pretty easy to get along with if you think farts are funny. So wear this shirt proudly and take a stand against anti-farters!
Hey, everyone is gassy at some point, and some people are gassy at some point every day! Nothing gains more respect than taking personal responsibility for your actions. So if you fart alot, admit and enjoy it and guess what? Everyone around will laugh with you, rather than scorn you. This is a shirt you can't help but sing once you see it, so don't deny it, declare it with style.
Farts are surging in the media in the United States lately. It seems that people are letting down their barriers and allowing themselves to laugh at one of man's greatest sources of humor, the fart. Reality shows are airing people airing it out. It started with Jessica Simpson farting on her show with Nick. Then one of my favorites was Dean farting on Tori and Dean. He famously said, "I'm 40, I'm fat and I fart." While not a big fan of reality shows like that, when they willingly and purposefully fart in front of the camera, I'm hooked, waiting for the next fart. Blazing Saddles started it off though in the 70s with the famous beans and campfire farting scene. My father said he fell out of his chair in the movie theaters during that scene he was laughing so hard. So when the CFO of I Fart On has a doctor's appointment, brings up farts and says by the end of the appointment the doctor is crying from laughing, you know this is funny stuff. If you don't let yourself laugh, you are denying yourself joy and the endorphines released when you do belly laughs. Farting is fun and fun is good, so if you're not farting then you should!
Our Squats Make Me Fart has been a big hit with the fitness crowd, and we all know, the more your exercise and the more protein you eat, the more you fart. Don't deny it gym rats, declare it with style!
That takes us to the next fart topic: Pregnancy Farts. Whether is the abdominal pressure or profound physical changes, pregnant women seem to fart more and some even fart without control. Whatever the case, it can be said that they are farting for two.
In honor of major league baseball opening day and the fact that many, many players fart during games both on the field and in the dugouts, we have created the Baseball Farts Clear the Bases T-shirt. The CEO of I Fart On has played baseball both through school and in amateur leagues after college. His best fart was ripped in 2011 when, in the dugout, farted so loud that the game stopped. After the fart, the entire team on the field stopped to turn and look, the umpires turned to look and the pitcher stepped off the mound. The real guys on the bench laughed along and a few weirdos on the bench acted like they were offended. Baseball is America's Pastime, however, farting is America's Passion. Click on the shirt to see the store options.
Outside of furniture and car seats, cell phones are the most farted on objects in the world today. Why cell phones? Because farts are funny and people like to share them. Many people who are in mid-coversation will tell the other person to hold on, drop the phone to their back side, fart and resume the conversation. If you don't happen to be on the phone when you have a good fart, many people will record video of their farts and text or email them to their friends. Then the Voxer walkie-talkie app came along and sharing farts with a group of friends was as easy as turning the phone one, pressing a button and farting. The fart will isntantly pop up on the recipient's phone. In fact, Voxer will save a string of all messages, so if you get a good run, you can have an unlimited amount of farts that will play one right after another in voxer. Sure to leave your friends in tears.
These things are fun and fun is good, so if you're not farting on phones then you should. Just a word of warning, please clean your phone routinely. Nothing is more dirty than your cell phone which you hold closely to your face. While farts aren't the reason their dirty, unless you fart on them naked, it's just a little friendly advice from your friends at I Fart On. Just wipe it down everyday or so with an anti-bacterial wipe, just like your butts!
Some researchers spend millions of dollars to come to vague conclusions which don't have much meaning to life. Using simple logic, I Fart On has come to the undisputible conclusion that holding in farts causes certain types of brain damage. Angry people who don't laugh at farts are also the ones who don't engage in letting their farts out. Holding in all this gas has negative side effects. When you hold in your farts, where do you think that gas goes? Well, if you didn't already know, that gas gets reabsorbed through your intestines and back into your bloodstream. The smelly part of the gas does stay behind though. As this gas flows through your body, it goes from the gut to your brain and then down to your lungs and exhaled from your lungs. Yes, fart breath. But when the gas circles the brain, it leads to a clinical condition called "Farts on the Brain." The fart particles interfere with your pleasure receptors, leading to crankiness. Therefore, the more you hold in your farts, the crankier you are. So for the sake of those around you, please fart often and laugh always!
I Fart On hit the streets and took some more photos recently featuring the My Farts Have Swag t-shirt. New shoots with six additional shirts will be produced shortly. When asked about the shirt in public, the standard response was, "yeah, my farts really do have swag... I just wish I did as well."
Additionally, I Fart On released its new shirt: Will Fart for Laughs. This shirt is perfect for those who are not only talented farters, but experts at showboating as well. Why not be up front and announce this awesomeness with your shirt before you even say a word, or drop the first fart.
An I Fart On photo shoot is an awesome thing, and even more fun to be a part of. Since Tim can fart bigger than you, he assumed the mocking pose. If you would like to be in an I Fart On Photo Shoot, please contact us and send us some photos.
In life, everyone has heard a fart that they will never forget. However, many times, you remember the fart, but don't remember the farter. That is because farts are larger than life, and when you hear a remarkable fart, you NEVER forget it. And that is why farts are so funny.
Beer farts are only a close second to egg farts, and that is why we made the I Fart On Brewery Shirts. Everyone knows Micro Brews give you farts, so don't deny it, declare it with style.
Again, fart humor is funny. It has been since the dawn of humanity. That's why, even if it doesn't make sense, it is still very funny. Take this for example, Michael Jordan was quoted as saying the following: "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Well, if this motivates you, would the same motivate you if it related to farting? Using real numbers (approximately) we have come up with the following: "I've farted over 356,000 times in my career. I've shamed myself over 1,000 times. 55 times I trusted my farts and misjudged. Yet I continue to fart over and over again. Some farts end badly yet I keep on farting. And that is why I succeed."
I Fart On is also still looking for models anywhere in the country. You pick the shirts, we send you the shirts, you send us the photos. If you have a business you would like to promote with your photos, just let us know and we will accomodate. firstname.lastname@example.org
If you got a fortune cookie at a restaurant that said "After this meal you will break your single day fart record" would you eat there again? We have to admit, if a restaurant was willing to give out fortune cookies that said that, it would instantly become our favorite place to eat and we would intentionally give them business as a result. So who says farts are bad for business? Not in this case.
Now on to the second matter at hand. You've seen inspirational quotes, lists and stories countless times and they all seem rather similar and send the same message. Well, we took one of these lists and with a few simple change of words, t;urned the attitude motivation list into the inspirational list for farters, or as we call it "fartspiration" Have a look below and see how easy it is to turn any topic around into farts.
Lastly, it was National Chili Day on Thursday, February 27, 2014. It is simply common knowledge that chili equals farting, therefore, it was also National Farting Day. A day where public farts are not only expected, but encouraged. The best way to spread farting cheer is to fart loudly for all to hear.
Building any kind of brand is a challenge with literally thousands being launched every year. How do you make one stick? The creator needs to stick to it. Plain and simple. It is said where you put your energy is where you will gain your rewards. Well, some interesting twists have occurred over the past few months to make us rethink what our initial plans would be. A reality show celebrity with a large following was interested in becoming a part of the I Fart On family. Just like an episode of Shark Tank we were making proposals for profit sharing or selling some interest in the business. Dealing with publicists and big shot agents is not easy, however, with the topic being farts, it put all parties at ease. Ultimately, it was decided that I Fart On would hold off on making such an arrangement, and continue to the build our brand the old fashioned way and look to the near future when our publicity reach will be greater than that of the celebrity and then they can pay us to jump on our bandwagon.
Focusing on retail sales and radio promotions, I Fart On is looking forward to a great 2014. Two members of the I Fart On team traveled to Daytona Beach during the Daytona 500 to scope out the area to setup retail tents during the next events at the Speedway. This photo was taken just before traveling to the track.
This next peice of art happens to be one of our personal favorites. Look forward to making some FartCast Videos for the site soon:
I Fart On is looking to expand its base of models for our line of t-shirts. Are you looking for exposure with an up and coming business? Do you want to go with us on our ride to the top? Our publicity machine will be huge as it revs up to begin 2014 and keeps building and building. Our fart shirts are quality and classy and above all else, funny! Please contact us if you are interested. We will send you the shirts and you arrange for the photos to send us for use on our site and social media. Here are a few of our latest photos:
Squats Make Me Fart: Thanks to our fan for sending in this awesome photo at the gym. We are sure he was the talk and envy of the gym that day.
Tim Farts on the Dance Floor. He Drops It Like Its Hot. It Never Stops.
Designated Farter: I Fart Responsibly. Being the Designated Farter on South Beach makes you awesome.
When you think of farts, you usually think of words like "offensive", "gross", or "disgusting." But if you play your cards right, can they make you desirable? The answer is yes. For guys, ladies like confidence. And if you fart with confidence, it can be appealing (honest, it can be - not just being idiots here). Ladies, if you fart with humor, you too can make yourself more appealing to guys.
One way to do this is by wearing one of I Fart On's t-shirts, announcing that you think farts are funny and that you are likely to fart soon. The shirt will immediately get people talking and talking about farts. Then when you do it, it is less shocking and more funny. You can actually become cool by farting in this situation. So go ahead, wear and shirt and rip a fart, the world is waiting to embrace you (unless you are inherently gross without a fart.)
It has been said for thousands of years that dog's are man's best friend. That is confirmed by a dog's complete willingness to take the blame for a person's fart. Even your best of human friends won't take the fall every single time. But a dog will and we salute dog's for being the best wing man a farter could ask for. Not to mention, dog's tend to fart just as much as their owner's with a distinct dog fart smell that can clear a room faster than egg farts at a beer fest.
Now on the topic of people who don't laugh at farts. Where do these people come from and who taught them to be that way. Farts are funny and why would they deny themselves a laugh every day. Do these people offend themselves routinely each day? Even a hater is not immune to farting the average of 10-14 times per day. Do they make a face of disgust when they do let the big fart out they have been holding all day? Or do they secretly smile when they fart to themselves and take pride in their secret power? We think they laugh, because all farts are funny. They are just conditioned to act upset in the company of others.
Good things come to those who fart! Seems odd, but there is something about a confident farter where good things seem to happen to them. Some of it is the confidence of the farter, and some is the reception of those who hear the fart. Confident people attract others to them, as they are interesting, provide leadership and are often entertaining. Therefore, this type of person farting will make friends and memories with each confident fart.
Farts can also be used as a defense. Stuck in a long line? Just drop constant egg farts and just like magic, the line will break apart quickly, moving you to the front of the line. This is similar to when Tim Taboubi farted at a Sugar Hill Gang concert and cleared a large path right to the stage, and famously disrupted the concert by making the band move away from him while on stage. We can go on and on about the good that comes from farts but will leave you with this: How many fond memories do you have involving a fart story? You're welcome!
Let's face the facts, some farts are better than others. Most farts are less than a quarter second long, and, unless they are extremely loud, they don't make that big of an impact and go unnoticed into eternity as a fart that never mattered. Then there are some great farts, that leave a lasting impact and won't ever be forgotten. One of those farts happened recently at a trade show convention floor where vendors were manning their booths. A security guard, who knew about the I Fart On business, decided to let one fly in front of the I Fart On CEO. His back to the vendors, he let it fly, Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, POP! You could hear the butt cheeks flapping. It was LOUD, and I quickly surveyed the carnage. Three people in the booth across from me were staggering down as if they had been shot, and my co-worker nearly fell over in her chair as if shot by a sniper. With fear of falling down from laughter, I put my head down a cried laughing for a bit as the chaos of the after fart ensued. All five people convened to discuss the fart, which was talked about for the next 24 hours and will never be forgotten. It was a fart well blown. It passed into infamy, rather than forgotten in time.
The farter was proud, and later when asked about it, he said, "I didn't even push that hard!" He should have pushed harder and extended the reach of his machine gun fart blast.
At I Fart On, we listen to our fans and try to give them what they want. Recently we had a police officer want a custom t-shirt made for cops. What started as an "I Fart in Police Cars" shirt concept, warped into the Miranda Rights of Farts. Your Farts Have the Right to Remain Silent t-shirt. This shirt is not only perfect for those on the police force, but great for anybody of all ages. Click here to see the shirt in our store.
I Fart On has big plans for 2014 and we need help from loyal fans out there who want to take this ride with us. We are looking for videographers, animators, models, and celebrities, all with a great sense of humor. First off, we need models for our shirts. We are offering free shirts, and if you are promoting yourself, we will endlessly promote you as well. Contact us if you are interested.
We also need videographers to help us create professional videos. Ideally, we are looking from somone in central New York or Central Florida. If you are an animator with a great sense of humor, work with us and grow with us. Lastly, if you know some celebrities who think farts are funny, refer us to them!
We are also ready for interviews on any media format. We are B-list celebrities who can answer any question possible related to farts and we are funny while doing it. Need an interesting interview to boost ratings, contact us!