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Best Public Fart Stories

The Best Fart Stories of the Best!

We all have those moments where you or somebody near you ripped a terrific fart at the absolute perfect moment, creating a lifelong memory for everybody within earshot. We at I Fart On want to share your stories. Send us your stories, and, if appropriate, we will make your story famous for the whole world to see!

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Fart that Makes People Check Their Babies

Submitted by E. Ban on 10/21/13: One of the best farts I have done when talking about smell was in an airport in Albany, NY. While waiting to board the plane, I dropped a silent bomb and remained still. The smell was overpowering and quite frankly, fresh. About 25 seconds after the fart, A father standing about ten feet away got a look on his face, picked his baby up from the stroller and smelled his diaper. The baby was blamed for the fart! Couldn't be more proud! 

The Un-Employment Line Fart Still Talked about 34 years later!

Submitted by Tony R. on 8/28/13: In 1979 while standing in a long un-employment line, had to fart real bad so I let it go and when everyone looked in my direction, I jumped away from the guy behind me and said out loud "You pig, go to the bathroom!" and everyone thought he did it.

Response from I Fart On: Tony, well played. If you were to have smothered or held that fart, you would have denied it of its full potential, which would have been a shame. And look at the result of farting loudly in public, 34 years later and you are still talking about it. That is a great moment in farts. 

Fartball, a good fart joke... despite being theoretical.

Submitted by Gary B. on 8/27/13: A traveling salesman was on his way in a very rural area of Appalachia when he suffered a blowout. His spare was flat! After hiking a fair distance, he came upon a small cabin nestled in the pines. A gnarly old man sat rocking on the front porch. The salesman cautiously approached him and explained his predicament. The hillbilly told the traveler that there was little traffic on the road, but a TV repairman was expected on the 'morrow and could help him then. In the meantime, he would have to spend the night in the cabin.

As the evening progressed, the salesman asked what the old man did for entertainment in the hills and the man replied: "We have this game we call fartball where you lie on one side of the bed and I lie on the other and if you fart and I hear it, you get six points and if I smell it you get an additional point. Do you wanna play? Thirty minutes or so later, the city-slicker was up 21-14 and the old man strained mightily and messed all over his side of the bed. The salesman asked what that meant and the wily old man slowly smiled and said: "Half's over, time to change sides!!!!"

Rapper's Not-so-Delight: The Sugar Hill Gang Blowout

Submitted by Gasmaster Tim 7/25/13: I have always been a huge fan of hip hop, both the music and culture. When I heard that a local bar called the Electric Company (in Utica NY), a venue known for having great live bands had booked the legendary rap group Sugar Hill Gang, I had to buy tickets immediately.

Cut to the day of the show: Upon entering the establishment, I felt a rumble in my belly. I looked around to see if I was in the clear to let it rip (it was a risky move as I was surrounded by large men wearing Chicago Bulls starter jackets hahaha). I held in the gas for a little while and decided that maybe it would just pass and I would not offend the nostagically dressed men.

As the show began I was in approximately the third row standing behind some big ole butt middle aged women who were grinding on one another trying to gain the attention of the group. I let out a small gust of air......which apparently brought along some rotten egg smelling friends with it. Instantly my friends were slapped by the horrendous smell and began to move away from me.

Each time my friends returned to standing near me I continued to let em rip..........It was now becoming noticeable to all of the fans of the Sugar Hill Gang that someone in fact was farting. The aforementioned women had moved away and I proceeded to the front row of the concert. To my surprise the egg smell had not only impacted the fans of the group but also the group as well. Wonder Mike, Big Bank Hank, and Master Gee had all moved to the other end of the stage. Wanting to be right in front of them and to rap along I moved where they moved. At one point I looked behind me and noticed that the closest person to me was approximately 8-10 feet back. I had created a barrier and secured the front row for myself.

The night was complete when I once again had to release that pressure and Magic Mike looked directly at me and made the "what the hell is that smell face?" That face is very similiar to the bitter beer face, the oops this milk is spoiled face, and the who farted face. As the night went on I had more and more gas which each time was met with a punch from my friends who by this time had suffered through enough of my hip hoppity hip hip egg farts !!!!!

Fart Story: Can Farts Set Off a Carbon Monoxide Detector?

The answer to that question is a resounding YES! But they have to be dense and frequent. Here is how we know... One evening some high quality flatulation was building and, as a good family man, I had several carbon monoxide detectors in my house, and one was in the master bedroom on the opposite side of the room from the bed. When it was time for bed around midnight, the farts were booming at five to ten seconds at a rip and were very dense. In addition to the severity of the farts, the frequency was mind blowing. So as I was farting in bed, with my wife (that qualifies for two shirts) all of sudden the carbon monoxide alarm was blaring. Obviously alarmed, we opened windows and aired out the room and checked the levels which stopped the alarm. About five to ten farts later at 1am, the alarm goes off again.

Carbon monoxide is a serious threat, so while I suspected the farts were the cause, you can't play around with that while you sleep, so we called the local utility company to come check out the house. They arrived at 2am and checked all areas of the home and found no carbon monoxide. So at that point I had to ask the technician, "Can farts cause these things to go off?" With an odd look, he replied, "I suppose they could, if they were dense enough." To which I responded, "They have been epic." Case closed on the alarm. He suggested moving it out of the bedroom as it was likely to give false alarms again if I had a repeat performance.

This was one of the proudest moments of my farting career, it should be a topic to be tested on Mythbusters. And the utlimate question is if dense farts can set off a carbon monoxide detector, can they cause you to also pass out?

Fart Story: The Fart Heard Round the World

Baseball is America's Pastime, and farting during the games goes with it like Spaghetti and Meatballs! While farts take place in the dugout, the outfield, infield and even behind the plate routinely, what makes a baseball game fart legendary? The answer is when it disrupts the game.

Here is the setup, as a member of an MSBL baseball team, our team was batting and I was sitting in the dugout. We had a runner on first and the pitcher was set to throw. I erupted in a such a loud canon fart that it even embarrassed me, however, the reaction left me quite proud. The entire game stopped to turn and look to see 1. What that was, and 2. Who did that? The fart was so loud that every single player on the field and the two umpires turned to see who did the blast. As I raised my hand, the first baseman started to tear up laughing and an umpire called time because he was laughing as well. The fans on the bleechers were also stunned and a few haters among them tried to scorn me, but after a fart like that, pride was beaming.

Fart Story: The Best Man Toast Fart

Any fart related to a wedding day activity is typically classic, but when you get the attention of the entire reception, its epic. Here is the setup, Tim Taboubi and the VP were the DJs for a wedding reception. It was a large venue with over 200 guests. The layout of the reception hall had the dance floor and DJ setup at one end of the room and the head table all the way at the other side of the room with the guest tables in between. Taboubi worked the mixing board and sound as VP introduced the best man and handed him the microphone. VP then snuck to the halfway point of the room to avoid being in all the photos.

As the best man was speaking, he for some unexplained reason, inserted a dramatic pause. At that very moment, Taboubi, all the way at the other end of the room, let out a fart cannon blast that sounded like a shotgun start to a race. In a split second, half of the tables whipped around to see the offender, and Taboubi swiftly ducked under the DJ table. That left the VP standing helpless at the halfway point of the room, trying not to scream in laughter, and the harder he tried to hold in the laughter, the more the tears streamed down and left tear stains on his tuxedo shirt.

While it wasn't spoke of after the event, we all know it happened and there were many, many who appreciated it.

FART STORY: The Accidental Face Fart

After leaving a meeting at work I was feeling quite gassy. As I walked to my car I had a rumble that assured me it was going to be an epic blast. I yelled to my coworker "Hey listen to this!!" As the fart is exiting my sphincter I hear a man's voice begin to curse me out. I turn around and realize that there was a man in a car with his window down (passenger side), and I was farting directly into his window. Thinking the man may be speaking Spanish I quickly shrugged my shoulders and said "Pedo?!?! Apparently he was not speaking Spanish but the tone of his voice let me know he did not appreciate the drive by farting I had just given him.

FART STORY: Internal Farts... What Happens if You Hold Farts Too Long

Wedding cerimonies, school tests, round table meetings... hey sometimes you just have to hold your gas in. But what happens if there is simply too much gas to hold and you still have more sphincter control than the pressure of the gas? The farts will then go through the path of least resistance - back up the intestine.

In this real life scenario, it was during a three-hour roundtable meeting with important company heads. As I was sitting there, the pressure mounted, and mounted and mounted. With one person talking at a time, it was too quiet even to let a little one slip. Well, what happened next was astounding. Rather than blowing out your intestine, the gas went back up. Since your intestines are made up of a series of sphincters each separating chambers, as the gas went up through other sphincters, it made the same sound as when it goes out the one we CAN control, the last one! The only problem is, you can't stop the internal ones. So as I sat there, clear fart sounds were coming from my insides, and no matter how I rocked, crouched, held my breath, nothing could stop them. At that point my opinion was asked at the meeting... didn't have one, had other things on my mind. Gave a mindless answer and excused myself. I proceeded to fart for four straight minutes outside. So much so I called my buddy to share it with him, since that is what really good friends do.

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