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One Day I Counted My Farts in High School... You'll Never Guess What I Did

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From a very young age I knew I had a talent that set me apart from the rest. I could fart loud enough to make some people think a gun shot went off. I could fart the song Jingle Bells to 27 notes, and timed a fart at 50 seconds long once to prove a point. One thing I hadn't done was count how many farts I did in one day. That all changed as a senior in High School. Now, those in the know wanted a legitimate count, so a three-part-fart counted as one fart. Also, a fart, followed shortly thereafter by another fart is a "continuation" and therefore one fart. 

So from the moment I woke up I began counting. It was a school day, so the bulk of the farting occurred during the day. From 7:15am until 2:12pm, I farted approximately 75 times. Most of these farts were of the average variety. However, later in the evening, the farts became titanic, ranging from 10-25 seconds long, peaking at fart number 104. At the end of the day I tallied 132 farts, roughly 118 more farts than the average person. 

The cherry on top of this story was the fact that my father was well aware of the fart counting objective and the very next day while sitting in the stand of a baseball game he overheard two kids talking about some kid who farted over 100 times the day before. He was a proud man indeed. 

Since it is quite the chore to count farts all day (having the write them down so you don't lose count), I have only counted all day once. However, as a DJ at a high school graduation party, we counted farts at the seven hour party. I managed a respectable 83 farts during that time and can only estimate that I may have met or exceeded 132 that entire waking day. Not every day is a winner like that, but on those days of magical runs, it helps to count if you want to remember and prove your prowess. 

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