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Blog - how to fart politely

Shocking Reality: Why Loud Showboating Farts are More Polite Than Trying to Conceal Them

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Ah the audible fart... the source of laughter, ridicule, scorn, and disdain. What makes a fart audible is the position a person farts in and the obstacles in the way. For instance, a standing fart will be audible and might growl or rip depending on sphincter circumstances. Leaning helps stretch the sphincter, making a louder sound, much like pulling the end of a balloon length-wise while letting the air out. 

Conversely, sitting on a rigid chair provides amplification, and sitting on upholstery, like soft couches will muffle the sound. It's no secret that more women try to conceal their farts and they also scorn those who fart loudly. When pressed on the question of farting, these women will deny ever farting, however, when pressed further about the fact that every living creature farts, they will admit to farting into couches to muffle and conceal them. 

IS CONCEALING A FART IN THE COUCH MORE PROPER THAN FARTING LOUDLY WHILE STANDING?

The dirty little secret is that the couch is something we all sit on and lay down on. When you fart into the couch, you force fecal matter into the upholstery and cushion with force, leaving the smell to resonate in that area for quite some time. Repeat this process day after day and you have a couch cushion filled with farts that is unrecoverable at that point. Even as the owner of a Fart T-shirt Company, this is just gross. Who wants to lay down their head on a cushion filled with thousands of farts from days and years past? 

CONCLUSION: IT IS MORE POLITE TO STAND AND FART LOUDLY

When sitting on a couch, if a fart arrives, it is actually more polite to stand and fart loudly, dispersing the fart into the air where it will dissipate over time. A moment of unpleasant smell in the air is much better than sitting down on the couch a few hours later only to have a puff of old farts blow up from the cushion on you. Seriously, farting into couches is rude. Showboating by standing and farting is much more considerate to everyone around. You can't deny this and the next time you catch someone farting in your couch, you will feel compelled to discipline them and ask them to stand next time.  

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Is it more polite to stand to fart, or hide the fart in a couch?

Most people try to hide their farts, driving them down in the cushions of couches, in an effort to be socially polite. If they were to lean or stand up, people near them would both hear and smell the farts. Most would consider that impolite, however, the Fart Boss would suggest otherwise. "Farting into a couch [...]

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