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How to blame loud public farts on someone else


How to Blame Loud Public Farts on Someone Else

Misdirecting blame on a silent fart is easy, but a booming fart takes some expertise

When someone farts loudly in public, no matter what part of the world you are in, you can expect there to be laughter, followed immediately by the world’s most asked question: “Who farted?” Yes, humans like to lay blame on farters and will not generally be satisfied without making a verdict on who farted. Normally, proud farters are willing to not only accept the blame, but do so in a showboating manner. However, if the situation arises that you should fart in a location where severe penalty may arise, you had better have a plan, or face the consequences.

So here is the situation, you have been very farty and it is showing no signs of stopping. You have a company dinner to attend and it is not generally regarded as a fart-friendly work environment. So the goal is to fart all night and release them as small silent farts. Sure a silent one is easy to conceal if you can hold a straight face, but when a thundering fart arrives, everyone wants to know “who did it.”

If you cannot take the heat for a fart, you need to have a plan of action for passing the blame. Keep in mind that you must be a master at these tactics before implementing them, because if you get caught lying after a fart, you’re a lying farter, rather than just an innocent farter.

Have a Fart Fall Guy

A Fall Guy is the best way to deflect blame, because you have a willing accomplice to take the hit for any of your farts. You can work in a variety of ways. The most fun way is to stand near the Fall Guy and with sign language, alert him to a fart that will arrive in three seconds. When the three seconds are up, the Fall Guy will raise his leg, strain his face and then you fart near him. For all intents and purposes, the Fall Guy will undeniably be proclaimed guilty for the fart.

The Fall Guy can also simply take a quick blame. You fart loud and immediately yell the Fall Guy’s name in disgust. The Fall Guy simply says he is sorry and everyone moves on satisfied that the Fall Guy farted.

Create a diversion from the fart alone or with team work

Just like all great magicians, the use of diversions or misdirection can defer blame of a loud fart. Throw a plate and fart just at the point of impact of the plate. Heads will turn to the plate and the fart will just cause a sensory overload for most folks, leaving them wondering what just happened? This is how magicians conceal their secrets, and farters can use this too.

Surround yourself with people who look like farters

If you fart loudly next to someone who just simply looks like a farter, they will take the blame. This is assuming that they look like more a farter than you. If you look like the person most likely to fart, this tactic will never work for you. So you ask, what does a farter look like? Well, just watch “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and you will have a good idea of what to look for.

Create fart movements in others while you fart

When you can't hold the fart anymore, you can always drop something right next to someone, and when they lean or bend to pick it up, release your fart. They will have a tough time denying it.

Quick stare and blame technique

This is a good one for the surprise fart that you had zero prep time for. It’s a tough one to pull off, because you must commit 100% to blaming the person you choose. Once you fart, turn without hesitation to the person closest to your back side and with a quick glare shout out “Really!!!???” If you act offended enough, you can pull this off.

Is there an echo in here?

Depending on the sound of your fart and your vocal and/or noise making ability, you may be able to recreate the same exact sound as the fart and make most people doubt if you really farted or not. This tactic rarely works and just proves that it was you who indeed farted. However, if you are like the sound effect guy from Police Academy, you can pull it off.

Applaud someone else for having a remarkable talent

If you don’t want to risk losing a friend and gaining an enemy by blaming someone else directly, try complimenting them for your fart instead. Upon farting, shout out “Wow, that was amazing, how did you do that?” to the person next to you. Sometimes, if the fart is good enough, they will take credit for it anyway.


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