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What Your Farts Say About You

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What Your Farts Say About You

You Can Tell a Lot About a Person by their Farts and How They React to Your Farts. What Do Your Farts Say About You?

 

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There is an old saying dating back to ancient times that goes something like this: “Don’t look at the person who farted, keep an eye on the person who isn’t laughing after the fart.”

The meaning of that quote runs deep and while it seems simplistic, taking an in-depth look at it reveals a window to a person’s soul. Since most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas anyway, it can be used as a social barometer for compatibility.

People like to be around others who share similar values. For example if you have a great sense of humor, you will want to hang around others who also have a great sense of humor. The easiest way to gauge that is with a quick, down and dirty public fart. Say you are gathered at a table with ten other people. You let one rip and immediately own it with pride. Typically 7 or 8 out of the ten are going to laugh with you and then make some contributing funny comments. However, two or three of the people will be highly offended, sneer at you, and even make a disparaging comment to you. It has become clear in the matter of thirty seconds who you will get along with and who you will not. Just by dropping a bomb, you know exactly who to give your time to and who not to waste it on.

What else do your farts say about you?

  1. You like eggs or peanuts. Yup, its pretty clear when you fart if you have recently eaten eggs or peanuts.
  2. Silent Farter: You tend to be deceitful. Not necessarily a bad person, but one who willing to tell white lies often. Let’s face it, you are willing to slap others with stink rather than hold it in and then try to deflect blame.
  3. Loud Showboating Farter: Typically a rather trustworthy person. What you see is what you get and nothing is held back.
  4. Ambivalent Loud Farter: Typically this means you are European or raised by Europeans. Many folks across the pond fart loudly and think nothing of it and give no reaction to it whatsoever. It puts others around them in the awkward position of laughing or not.
  5. The Anti-Farter: This person will never fart around others. Usually these people are miserable and hyper-focused on things like their job, social standing, etc.
  6. The Embarrassed Farter: This person will be highly embarrassed if one should rip in front of others, however, this person will laugh if a good one is ripped in front of them. These people are good people and typically make good spouses.
  7. The Bathroom Farter: Seriously, you think we can’t hear what’s going on in there. Get real and fart with the rest of us… what, we are not good enough for your farts???
  8. The Polite Farter: This person farts often and excuses themselves routinely. This person has a lot of gas and it comes out without warning. They have learned to co-exist with this problem and are typically nice people.
  9. The Cubicle Farter: This person is bold to fart all day in a cubicle, and usually is pretty easy going. They usually won’t deny it, but won’t say, “hey everyone I farted again!”
  10. The Diarrhea Farter: Sometimes you just know when someone doesn’t feel well, and the rhea fart is a dead giveaway for that. Tell the person who did it that you hope they feel better soon.

 

We ALL FART every day, so which type of farter do you want to hang out with? What do your farts say about you?

Here is an actual quote said to us by an old high school friend we started hanging out with again: “I need to hang out with you guys more often. My friends don’t understand me, I fart all the time and they just get disgusted.” He was clearly hanging out with the wrong type of people.

*Disclaimer: Clearly some folks don’t fit the ten types listed here. We are not trying to say that all farters are good people, some, even to us are disgusting. If the person is just gross, and farts constantly as a matter of fact, and the smell is nauseating, get away from this person as fast as possible. A true good person farter who smells that bad will directly address the smell and help diffuse any odd situation. They are good farters who just happen to be on a good run.

 

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